"An ad that pretends to be art is like someone that smiles warmly at you because he wants something from you...what's sinister is the cumulative effect such dishonesty has on us... It messes with our heads and eventually starts upping our defences even in cases of genuine smiles and real art and true goodwill. It causes despair.

This is related to the phenomenon of the Professional Smile, a national pandemic in the [american, for sure] service industry..."

David Foster-Wallace is a ledge.

So I DON'T stand on the toilet seat? This'll take some doing....

As we drove to Copenhagen, we crossed a long, long bridge between the islands, misty and cold, that made me stupidly excited!

Rogerson spun us yarns from his school days, about how the prefects had "tuck", and he and his friend did a midnight raid past "Bogey Bowers" to get it... Did he really grow up in a Just William book?! They hid the tuck in the croquet set... That shit's real!

More exciting and crazy was the area we played in - Christiania. In 1971, the area became a socialist commune, somewhat autonomous, separate from Denmark, and even Europe, in law:

"The objective of Christiania is to create a self-governing society whereby each and every individual holds themselves responsible over the wellbeing of the entire community. Our society is to be economically self-sustaining and, as such, our aspiration is to be steadfast in our conviction that psychological and physical destitution can be averted."

The atmosphere was a mix of Brick Lane, Camden Market, Glastonbury festival, and a Mad Max set. People gathered round burning braziers, stalls selling big blocks of hash, signs saying "have fun here, but no running and NO PHOTOS", and the sign over the exit saying "you are now entering the EU".

Directly outside the district, we met 5 cars of police in bullet-proof vests... Obviously, being Denmark, these police were still amazingly friendly, even though there have been recent raids on Christiania using tear gas.

We walked around Christiania for a while after sound check, and, for a place "outside" Danish law, the atmosphere was friendly, respectful and pleasant. Chatting to a few people, it seems some of the old socialist vibe has been replaced by Russian gangs, I guess keen to make money from the drugs. I think I'd like to explore the place more, because the only evidence I saw that Christiania had an identity separate from the state were the stalls selling hash. Is that how all attempts communes outside the law end up? A place to get legal hash?! I have a suspicion they might, but I bet in England they'd be too mental to visit!

Our gig was cool - a great support band, Obstacles, or Obstacle? Mars Volta-esque wig outs were the highlight, with a shredding monster on drums!

Then we played, starting with some real techno aids, and our tour was done! We had some Christiania brewed beer and laughed lots backstage before going to get pizza.

This tour has been a marked step up from the last Europe tour, and at times we were playing the same venues as bands like Fucked Up, Little Dragon and Sepultura, although I'm guessing they play to them a bit fuller than us! But with a new country under our belt, and good gigs in a lot of cool venues, meeting some great people, it definitely feels like it was worth doing! Now we have a couple of days off before we do a 5 day spin up north - going in again! Relentless!

Saying goodbye to Hamburg, we plunged north into new territory - Denmark! Our first stop was Aaurhus, Denmark's second city. As we struggled to get to grips with the currency, the Kroner, and the exchange rate, Matt splashed out on what turned out to be a nose-bleedingly expensive McDonalds, coming in at almost £20 for him and Ash... Denmark is PRICEY!

In Aarhus, our venue was called Atlas, a big music hall. Incredible sound, super high end sound system and lights - the opposite from Hamburg, but as something of a badge of pride, I think the band places great in both settings, and we definitely enjoyed both gigs!

The venue was definitely an ambitious one for our first time in a new country, and we far from packed the place (it could probably hold 300 people?!), but it felt like a massive improvement on our first trips to, for instance, Munich, where we played to one person!

Aarhus itself was a bit of a mystery - once we arrived at the venue and soundchecked, we were scared to venture much further than the (amazing) burger bar round the corner, for fear one of us wiping out our whole earnings for the week by buying a beer or some matches.

The burger we had for dinner was one of the biggest burgers I've ever had, leaving me winded in a chair, wincing and hoping I could get to the stage.

Hmmm, well I was... Now I'm more.... nauseous... and scared.

After Den Haag, we had a return to Hamburg. We've played here before, on our misguided first euro-exploration, and it was a strange gig, playing with a scary Oi punk band of supremacists called "Genetiks", but probably should've been called "Send Das Buggers Back".

This gig was a last minute addition to give us a point in between Den Haag on Tuesday and Aarhus on Thursday, so we weren't holding out too much hope for the night.

As we arrived, the mood of Hamburg got me excited straight away - it's such an atmospheric city, especially by the harbour - huge cranes everywhere, and mist adding a magic sadness to the view.

The club was very simple, with only two mics, and no stage, but there was a great atmosphere to the building, not least due to the owner, Rolf, Santa's ageless punk brother (we found out he was 47, but he could have been 27 or 67! A big beard, and bald, but very young hands! That sounds weird).

With no carpet, I had to resort to my age old trick of taping sticks to the floor to stop my bass drum sliding around, and also the kettlebell was used for the first time this tour (I've been ill)

The hotel and food were amazing too, with skull and cross bones nylon bed sheets (insert my usual gag about someone finally reading our requirements)

After the gig, we met a lovely guy from a Bavarian ska band (that's blatantly oompah yeah?) that were touring Germany - he was even wearing Leiserhosen, and totally hammered. He enthusiastically took us to the "hooker street", which amazed us with a post-apocalyptic looking barrier preventing women from entering the street! After two minutes of being harangued by scantily clad ladies, we ran away to our hotel like giggling school boys.

Amazing town, wonderful people and I can't wait to go back - not for the hooker street! Pfff.

Tonight we mixed the set up, to get some freshness back - last night's show for me felt pretty stale, and the guys felt exactly the same, so we tried some stuff. That, coupled with the new reduced set up (through losing the cymbals) really made the gig feel exciting for me again, and with a great, supportive audience, we had a really fun gig.

We loaded out in another human centipede, although I refused to go behind Rogerson in the the centipede, because if I got my face sewn to his ass, there's quite a strong chance I'd catch his cold, and I don't want to get ill!

Had beers next to our hotel with the guy from behind the desk, who was a bit nuts, and then to bed! Feeling refreshed from good food and a great gig...

Sweet!

Tour bum here we come!
Just had the most welcome amazing Malaysian food in Den Haag! Vegetables and flavour! So awesome! So spicy! The 6 hour drive to Hamburg tomorrow will be fun...

As we looked for the venue, Ross walked into a coffee shop to ask if the guy knew of the place. The ultra stoned guy had never heard of the venue, but though he might know it, and was just directing us somewhere across town when Ross noticed a poster for us in the bar, pointing downstairs. Thanks Fruity van Dutch.

In Liege we caught up with a great musician we'd met in Preston earlier this year - Juffage. The man is a lunatic multi-instrumental soloist with almost as much gear as us, and a great artist. He was on first in the evening, and after helping him in with his 4 amps (?!), keyboards, drum kit, two guitars, huge pedal board and mixers, we chatted about his plans. He'd been on the road for 3 weeks so far, and was in Europe with a gig every night until the middle of December!! It's an incredible feat, not least down to the sheer amount gear he carried in every night. Being 6 dates in to our 3rd tour of the year, it feels like we need to shake some stuff up to reignite the set, and there's him off for another 6 weeks. It made me feel like a total chancer! I don't know if it's any surprise that he's American, working so hard to push his music... Who knows, but it's really admirable, and impressive! He's slumming it so hard he's putting underpants on his rider.

Ash has a new book, the new David Eagleman book "Incognito", all about consciousness. This means the "did you know, some people see upside down?" and "if you wired your eyes to your tongue, your brain would learn how to see again" facts are coming hard and fast! It's good fun though...

We watched this again earlier, and it's insane. Tom Cruise is a mess, and it's amazing how long he takes to say NOTHING!! The climax at the end is just wonderful!

We're all fending off the cold going round, apart from Rogerson, who really is an evil snot monster! Matt drew a beautiful picture of him. Rock and roll levels are low!

We had a wander round Luxembourg city, which is totally stunning, with lots of steep valleys and hills in a tiny area, and loads of amazing 18th century bridges, viaducts and battlements. It felt very empty though, and I missed the endless bustle of London quite keenly.

A funny note on the walk round the town was Ash - the man has an awesome stream of "did you know" facts that are always pretty funny. The one inspired by Luxembourg was "did you know, rabbits will always try and get to the highest point in a room?"... Not sure how I got this far in life without knowing that.

We wandered into a church to watch a bit of a rehearsal for some epic church music concert, with choir and chamber orchestra - pretty perfect respite from rocking synth shred prog I reckon!

Our gig in Luxembourg was really fun, with a small but really supportive crowd. The support band had raised a wry grin, playing "metal" in the vein of Evanescence - female vocals, and all very camp. They also played so quietly in the small room that the loudest noise was their feet stomping on the floor. It was very theatrical and did get us chatting about when does "really selling it" become less admirable and more silly? For example, Daedelus's show in Mallorca was epic, and totally theatrical.

In the bar after they had Pantera playing, which was a total win, and we all fell a bit in love with the bar maid. An amourous man in drag asked me to be our roadie, but I let him down gently - by saying Ash had said no.

We went back to the hotel and made ourselves laugh ridiculously to the John Hendricks vocalese of Freddie Freeloader - Christ, they even do John Coltrane's solo! It's the bent pinnacle of a very bent bit of music! Atrocious. Enjoy this!!